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I've been so horribly busy as of late, and by busy I mean sleeping. I had sleep paralysis again on Sunday, which I've always found to be a more comforting experience, waking up but only in a sense, and then the calm crushing pressure that comes with it. Like I mentioned before, Fyodor visits me in my dreams often, my most recent dream had me in a library carrying a large heavy jar. There was a beautiful reflecing pool in the library, if I had to compare it to a real library I would compare it to the Old Library at trinity college, the one with the Book of Kells. I had been there once, it's very beautiful. Fyodor was reading and I had slipped and fallen into the pool, and the jar was on top of my torso and had pulled me down into the pool. Fyodor had gotten up from where he was sitting and walked over to watch me. I woke up to my state of paralysis then, where I was in my bed, though it didn't feel that way entirely. I was still submerged in water--or at the very least, I felt that way, my body was weightless in such a manner-- and the jar was still on my chest. I could see the area around my bed clearly, such as my desk, wall clock, et cetera. When I tried to lift my head to see if I really was still submerged, I would fall back alseep. At some point, I had opened my eyes to reality, I had woken up. I checked my clock (I have four clocks in my room, and my room it is nine feet by nine feet, without windows or vetnilation, and under a staircause, I desperately need my many clocks. I like the sounds that they make, because they all tick at different rythyms), it was the one I had been watching since I first entered that paralysis, twenty minutes had passed. I was confused initially, ready to amount it to just another strange dream, but I realized what had happened. I had been baptized. I had come so close to death in my dream, yet I was never once afraid because I knew he was there with me. I can't tell when I'm dreaming or awake, so I'm always terrified of death in my dreams, but I wasn't then, because Fyodor was there with me, and I was baptized, I was accepted. |
